The Hidden Abuse.
In my practice, I specialize in addiction. Along with addiction to alcohol, substances, food or even shopping, come destructive relationship issues. When there is addiction in a home, communication breaks down and anger and defensive attitudes usually take center stage.
Besides anger and frustration (which is another word for anger), there can be abuse. Psychological abuse which includes mental and emotional abuse, is most prevalent. Someone who is a victim of this abuse often says that physical abuse would be easier to deal with because then there would be legal recourse. Mental and emotional abuse is hidden and oh so harmful.
The core value of an abuser is that everything revolves around them. They lack compassion and empathy and set the victim up for failure or to embarrass, mock, shame and criticize them endlessly. Rarely will an abuser give the victim an apology. If they do, it will be to their benefit to manipulate the emotions of the victim even further.
Abusers are toxic. A spouse, a parent, a child, sibling or a co-worker can be an abuser. It can begin subtly, but then when the abuser sees how the victim is in their control, it turns into a full-fledged daily assault. This toxic person has lost a conscience. It is a volley of hurt from this person and then fake comfort by the same person who abuses. The victim becomes traumatically bonded to the abuser.
The victim of an abuser is not who you think. Most abusers pick their victim because they are smart and capable. The abuse is a source of power and entertainment to the toxic person. They will destroy an originally happy and healthy person. Abuse is a series of conquests. It wouldn’t be a “victory” to an abuser if their victim was weak in the first place. In the middle of the abuse, it is hard for the victim to see themselves in any way but as the one who is broken. The abuser’s hateful words and deeds basically instruct the victim that they were a target because of their weakness. The opposite is true.
If you believe that you are the victim of an abuser, call today and let’s get started making you into a survivor instead of a victim. My 10-session plan will help pull you out of the destructive relationship or help you to live with victory in the relationship (if that is your choice). Let the change happen in you first if you are the victim. We can start now. Don’t wait. Stop suffering and know that you have an ally and a plan for help.
